Ron Sparks Author, Poet

Carey’s Revenge


If you remember in my previous post, Wedding Show Discrimination, I made lighthearted fun of Carey for excluding me from the bridal show she took her friend to.

Well, she exacted her revenge this past weekend. She took me to a bridal show about 10 million times bigger and more chaotic than the other one she went to.

This company, Perfect Wedding Guide, put on a show in Orlando. There were, literally, a thousand brides-to-be and a hundreds of somewhat more reluctant grooms-to-be.

The disparity was kind of funny. The brides were all bubbly and vivacious – so excited to be at the show. The grooms were more reserved, gamely following their women wherever they went and making noncommittal sounds as their women oohed and ahhed at each vendor booth.

Truth be told, there were some amazing photographers and bakers there. What surprised me, though, was how confrontational these vendors were. Not in a bad way – but I felt like I was in a third-world market. The vendors would step in front of you and block your path to get your attention. They would pull you in – entice you with free cookies and snacks.

Don’t get me wrong – it was all politely done, but I was shocked at how aggressive these vendors were. So I amused myself by poking soft fun at the vendors as they gave their speech. For example, the vendor from Bloomingdale’s, trying to get us to register there, was going on and on about how elegant their registry was – so I looked at her very seriously and asked if they I could register fishing bait with them. After all, I needed a bunch of night crawlers for our honeymoon “cruise” in the jon-boat.

Then a DJ accosted us and was trying to smarm his way into our confidence. He said they were a full service DJ company so I looked at him squarely and said if his staff couldn’t make balloon animals for the kids the deal was off. When he looked baffled, I grabbed Carey by the arm and walked away.

Of course, Carey smacked me. Hard.

So I had a lot of fun. Until the fashion show. Talk about chaos incarnate. It would have been a great fashion show had the planners not decided to have every model throw free t-shorts to the crowd to get them to cheer and act lively.

The crowd obliged. They went ape shit when a model walked out. Screaming, yelling, jumping up and down. It was so bad that I couldn’t see the models as they walked down the runway. People were moving seats trying to determine where the “prime” spot was that was to get the the free stuff. Happened to be OUR seat was the prime spot. I caught a bag and a t-shirt.

So anyway – after the chaos that was the fashion show, it was time to wait for the grand prize. They were passing out everything from floral packages to full Hawaiian honeymoons.

Surprise – Carey won free up lighting for our reception! She was so excited. She says she never wins everything – I told her that she had won my heart a long time ago. She groaned at how corny I am, but kissed me anyway.

Then came the big prize – the giveaway for the Hawaiian vacation. They didn’t draw names from a box for this one. No – they made every bride-to-be wear one of the shirts they gave away and they tossed a bouquet into the crowd. The bride who caught it won the honeymoon.

Can you smell disaster? I did. I saw it coming a mile away.

Two brides caught the bouquet simultaneously and started, wait for it, FIGHTING over it. Then their men got involved. It was seriously ugly. Carey was riveted – she hates fighting but I guess we found a type of conflict she can get into – bride wars.

Well – the show was . . . interesting. We met some good vendors – Carey won a grand prize – and I got to make fun of people who couldn’t retaliate openly. All in all – a good day.

About the author

Ron Sparks

Ron Sparks is a technology professional, science fiction and fantasy author and poet living in Zurich, Switzerland. His latest book "ONI: Satellite Earth Series Book 1" is available on

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Ron Sparks Author, Poet

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Ron Sparks

Ron Sparks is a technology professional, science fiction and fantasy author and poet living in Zurich, Switzerland. His latest book "ONI: Satellite Earth Series Book 1" is available on


A man of many passions, I lay claim to a myriad of interests and hobbies. Among them, I am an amateur astronomer, an avid motorcycle rider, a whiskey aficionado, a (poor) surfer, a scuba diver, a martial artist, a student of philosophy, a proponent of critical thinking, a technologist, an entrepreneur, a cancer survivor, and I harbor a lifelong love of science fiction and fantasy. Feel free to strike up a conversation on the social networks below.

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