I also notice that my emotional responses to things are different than they used to be. I am not sure if I can pin that completely on chemo brain, though. Going through cancer treatments and rehabilitation changes a man; my emotional outlook may simply be a reflection of who I am as a man now. I am certainly more humble than I used to be.
There is one troubling issue though. I gave notice to my job last week. Tomorrow is my last day. I have been with this company for over three years. I met my fiance here. I love this company, the culture, and what it stands for. It’s got amazing benefits, brilliant people, and a lot of chaos and energy.
I got the offer to become the CTO (Chief Technology Officer) of a small company here in town. It’s a great offer, but not substantially better than where I am now. The biggest benefit, for me, is that I’ll be flying back and forth to DC frequently and I’ll be working with a long-time friend, surfing buddy, and business associate. I’ll be very entrepreneurial, will define the standards for a company’s technology strategy from the ground-up, and it is a step up in my career. Being a CTO is pretty much what I have always aspired to be, in this particular career path.
The decision to leave was much, much, much harder than any other professional decision I have ever had to make. Never before have I struggled with a career decision as I have with this one. I had a hard time separating logical reasons to stay or leave from emotional ones.
Emotionally, I have friends here, people who aren’t that fond of me, a history or success, and some failures. This company was here for me as I went through my cancer treatments. I met my fiance here. I have a lot of history here. I have a lot of friends here.
Logically, the chaos, while getting better every day, has put a lot of gray hair on my head – and I know my chemo-brain is impacting my work. being a CTO will be a stretch at first, but it’s what I have wanted. But, the CEO of my current company is the most visionary person I have ever met; I’ve never seen anyone dream bigger, and motivate an entire company to put it into practice.
I really struggled with that – emotional versus logical; pros versus cons. The chemo fog in my brain prevents me from seeing this as clearly as I would like; so I don’t really have that 100% certainty I have always had to date that I am doing the right thing.
Don’t get me wrong; I am intelligent, hard-working, and will always land on my feet. I am not uncertain that I will fail or that this decision will harm me or my family for years to come. I am good at what I do and will succeed.
But here I am, a day away from closing one door to open another, and I wonder; how much did Chemo Brain affect my decision to change jobs?