Six days ago I weighed 184lbs. Today I weigh 171lbs. In the past week I’ve lost 13 pounds.
The weight loss looks good on me. My belly is flat as a pancake now. My face isn’t “plump” anymore. I don’t have a spare tire. It’s kind of nice to be right around my ideal weight.
The only problem is that I’m not losing weight in a healthy way. I’ve lost way too much weight – way too fast. I am fatigued. I am weak. I can barely walk across the house without wheezing.
I can’t keep anything down. The morbidity of my radiation treatments are catching up to me. Even water isn’t palatable any longer. Imagine your worst head cold. Think of the massive amount of slime that coats your throat as you try to clear it.
Now imagine never, ever, being able to get rid of it. That slime is your constant companion – coating your esophagus. Imagine everything, even water, tasting like slime, snot, and ashes.
That’s how I roll right now. You can understand why I’m not eating. Everything makes me gag. Everything. Even a sip of water.
This is why my doctor is ordering me on a feeding tube this week. Yes, you read correctly. On Thursday I will be admitted to the hospital, sedated, a endoscopic light put down my throat into my stomach, a hole cut out, and a tube inserted right into my belly.
I will be pouring my nutrients directly into my stomach. The procedure is called Percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy. You can read about it here.
I am not too happy with this turn of events. I will have this tube for about a month – maybe longer. I was warned that this was a very real possibility, but I was hoping to avoid it. The psychological blow to my family and children, and myself, may be significant. Seeing a TUBE come from my belly is a little freaky, to say the least.
I am hitting up friends and family to buy me a juicer. As a diabetic, I can’t just pour Ensure or Boost into my belly – too much sugar. Since I’m on disability and funds are tight, I’m hoping someone will step up and get it for me. With it I can eat healthy, stabalize my weight, and still maintain proper nutrition.
So anyway – I am about to be come a cyborg. It’s a low-risk procedure. I’ll be out of the hospital the next day. I probably won’t take pictures – not sure I want everyone to see that, ya know.
Wish me luck!