So I’m at the urinal this morning, doing my business, when a gentlemen enters the restroom and takes the urinal next to me. He’s obviously uncomfortable with the whole “I’m peeing and you’re standing next to me” thing. Didn’t matter that there was that little wall between him and I so I couldn’t see his one-eyes trouser snake.
He walks up, unzips, and walks up so close to the urinal that I’m positive his hands are touching the back of the urinal and then turns his body so far away from me that I swear to you he had to be peeing on the wall and not in the urinal.
The image was comical and I had to chuckle. So I did.
As I laughed, I could hear him cut off in mid-stream and nervously hug the urinal even closer. A nervous pisser. I smiled inwardly.
I found myself making noises just to make the guy uncomfortable, because you kinda have to in a situation like that.
I started by clearning my throat, then segued into a very country, aimed-nowhere, “Yep.”
Then I reached up with one hand and grabbed the wall divider between us. Three of my fingers were ON HIS SIDE of the wall.
I was clearly pushing this man to his limit. I wouldn’t be surprised if he peed all over his hand. He had to go, badly, and I totally had him in fits and starts – the kind that you have to wait out because if you try to put willie back in his cave you end up with wet spots all over your pants.
All too soon, fun time was over. I shook it, shook a leg, zipped up, turned, washed my hands, and left the bathroom.
I’ll never understand why some guys are so gunshy in a urinal. But they sure are fun to torment.