Three Lessons I Learned From The Airlines

I was flying to and from Washington, DC last week and I realized that the airlines have taught me many things.  I figured I’d share some of those lessons with you.

1. My empty drink can is not trash.  Neither is my napkin, the wrapper for my candy bar, or the newspaper I am done reading.  They are all “service items” and the attendants are pleased to collect them from me.  Apparently “trash” is politically incorrect and civil rights advocates for the “service items” have been lobbying for a change in terminology for some time now.
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2. There is a class war happening in airplanes over, of all things, bathrooms.  The lavatory at the front of the plane is for first class passengers only.  A few biologically distressed individuals from coach are grudgingly allowed up front to use the facilities, but the eagle-eyed flight attendants are keeping count and begin turning poopers away when that unknown maximum number is reached.
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3. The seat pocket in front of  me can be used to store barf bags, magazines, books, and “service items.”  I had better not even THINK about storing my Nook or laptop in it though.  Apparently the plane will crash and I will be the cause of it all.  Electronics in the seat pocket aren’t stowed “properly” and are a danger to us all.  Watch out.

BONUS LESSON

1. Airlines made BILLIONS of dollars with luggage fees this past year, but anyone can check their bags for free by simply taking them to the gate with you and then deciding you want to check them.  The gate agents have no ability to collect money and will check your bag for free every time.  Lesson learned?  Screw them like they try to screw you.  With shrinking leg room, increased government intervention, and death by fees – take every advantage you can get, people.